My experience with DPDR is only that now, an experience. While it has shaped who I am, I wouldn’t say it dominates my life. What does dominate my life is the fact that I’m still in the closet about being trans (MtF). The only people who really know are typically close friends, and it’s not for a lack of support. My parents would most likely totally support me, it’s more-so crippling anxiety.
“Mutism”
I’m a rather introverted person and sometimes I find it hard to say…well, anything really. At times it even gets to the point where I desperately want to say something, but my body physically prevents me from doing so. This combined with intrusive thoughts can make communication very difficult, because the intrusive thoughts will fill me with doubt which only adds more fuel to the fire. Making me less likely, or physically capable of being able to say what I want(ed) to.
Intrusive Thoughts
Whenever I think about telling my parents I’m trans my mind always jumps to thoughts like:
- What if they don’t accept me?
- What if they get irrationally upset?
- What if they don’t accept my new name?
Which ultimately leads me to not wanting to tell them because these thoughts will just pile up and stress me out.
Social optics
I’ve always been closer to my friends than my family, and often feel I have more familial ties with certain close friends than I do my biological family. This generally makes me less willing to talk about my life with my family because I’m just not all that close to them and would rather keep most of my life to myself.