Limbo
For the past few days I’ve found myself in a sort of uncomfortable limbo, stuck between the want to abandon a gender which offers me little comfort, and identity I have no connection to, or to stick with my current gender in fear of the social stigmas I may face. Stuck between a rock and a hard place, uncertain what to do.
Trapped
Ironically, it’s not my sexual organs that bring my discomfort when it comes to my gender. Rather the hair on my body. Hair on my legs, my face, under my arms, etc. Combined with the fact that no matter how much I shave, the hair seems to come back relatively quick. Whether I actually want to change my gender, or rather just purge my body of unwanted hair is something I’ve given lengthy consideration to. One is a decision that bears much less impactful weight. All in all, perhaps I’d just be happier being a trap then full-on changing my gender. Regardless, my body hair leaves me feeling uncomfortable and trapped.
Social Stigmatism
While changing your name at first may be awkward, it’s certainly not as stigmatized as changing ones gender. In the environment I live in now, I feel as though transitioning could be social suicide. As a talented soon-to-be high-school graduate, I would hate to negatively impact my chances at getting any form of employment or housing. Even worse-yet, having those things yet still being in a toxic social environment. It’d be one thing not to have a job or, house, but another to have a job or live were I’m disrespected and treated horribly by coworkers and neighbors. Though I suppose the latter is better then having no job or house at all.