Preface This post heavily depends on you having read the previous. post. Escapism I’ve always felt like I was missing something, and for the longest while I’ve tried to fill that void with intimacy, or sex. Perhaps recklessly so, regardless I’ve had a string of partners, Some good, some bad, and some just selfish attempts to forget. Though sometimes trying to forget has just led to deepening my scars. While I’ve changed quite a bit over the years, I still find myself trying to fill that empty void. Read more

Preface So, I guess this one is going to be a heavy one, or perhaps I just think I’m going to be deep. I had a sexual experience for the first time in a while, though this time it was accompanied by a horrifyingly heavy bout of dissociation. During and after sex I was thrown into a horribly uncomfortable detachment from “myself”. To make things easier (and for privacy), I’ll refer to the friend I had sex with as “Ace”. Read more

Depersonalization and being Transgender. A lack of identity, and feeling psychically disconnected from my body, combined with a sense of being born the wrong gender presents an interesting mix of feelings, or lack thereof. Normally one would expect a transgender person to be unhappy with their birth sex, and yes, while I’m generally dissatisfied being in a male body, over the years the feeling that I’m “connected” with my physical body has more or less eroded away. Read more

A bit of a problem Anyone who’s read any of my previous posts will know that I’m dissatisfied with my gender. There are some aspects of being a male that don’t appeal to me personally. As a possible solution, I’ve thought about hormone therapy as an avenue to resolving my gender dysphoria. This is a difficult decision to make, not so much because I don’t want to do it, but rather the heavy and permanent consequences associated with it. Read more

Limbo For the past few days I’ve found myself in a sort of uncomfortable limbo, stuck between the want to abandon a gender which offers me little comfort, and identity I have no connection to, or to stick with my current gender in fear of the social stigmas I may face. Stuck between a rock and a hard place, uncertain what to do. Trapped Ironically, it’s not my sexual organs that bring my discomfort when it comes to my gender. Read more

Preface: NSFW. This one might get weird, and rambly. That’s the difficulty with writing about things you don’t remember clearly. What is Gender Dysphoria? As not everybody reading this might know what gender dysphoria is right off, I’ll try to provide a simple definition. Gender dysphoria is a condition where a person emotionally and psychologically identifies as the opposite of one’s biological sex. E.g. A person who is biologically male would identify as female. Read more