In past posts where I wrote about sex and the horrible truamatic epxeriences and thoughts that followed it, I often expressed a great deal of dread and anxiety. Usually while writing them I was in a panic, my mind racing at incredible speeds. I now write with a steady hand, and a calm, clear mind. Casual sex can be great, it can allow you to relieve pent up desires, to be intimate with another person, to bond even more with someone else. Read more

I’ve been emotionally exhausted for quite a while. After being seemingly ghosted by my most recent partner, I just don’t feel anything. Sure for a while I did feel sad and such, but, now I just feel tired. I suppose going from one relationship to the next has grown old. I’d rather cherish strong meaningful friendships at the moment. I really have no incentive to jump head-first into yet another relationship. Read more

Cesc has my heart, but I feel we’re too different. The first major difference between us I can think of is that Cesc wants kids and I really don’t, I guess another thing that has perturbed me before about Cesc is that they’ve told me I’m not feminine in appearance enough, which while sadly true, still felt hurtful. I can’t blame someone for having preferences though. I guess I’m just love-sick. Read more

More than a month later I know recognize how foolish my initial panic was when it came to what happened with Ace, though perhaps not entirely preventable. It reminds me of years ago when I was much younger and how I’d over-dramatically panic in reaction to something upsetting. While there is a small amout of regret for the actions I took, it’s ultimately not the end of the world. I think sometimes we need to remind ourselves that even when something truamatic happens and it feels as though everything comes to a crashing halt, the world around you is still going on just as it always has, and will. Read more

I was foolish…oh so foolish, to think nothing would come of that week with Ace. To think I’d just walk away scot-free was laughable, I’m far too fragile for that to have been the outcome. Now I can’t even say sorry and explain why. I let Ace think he wouldn’t hurt me, I let him think things would change, and maybe they haven’t, and maybe I’ve just been overreacting to all of this. Read more