In past posts where I wrote about sex and the horrible truamatic epxeriences and thoughts that followed it, I often expressed a great deal of dread and anxiety. Usually while writing them I was in a panic, my mind racing at incredible speeds. I now write with a steady hand, and a calm, clear mind. Casual sex can be great, it can allow you to relieve pent up desires, to be intimate with another person, to bond even more with someone else. Read more

I feel like maintaing hope is analogous to maintaining the light in a lighthouse. I try to maintain hope to feel like I’ve accomplished something, or to keep optimistic. I don’t maintain hope solely for myself though, I do it for others, so that in dark times they may see as a guiding light. A reason not to give up quite yet, and to carry on. Sometimes I do maintain hope for selfish reasons though, hoping for something to happen, or for someone to come back when I know it won’t happen. Read more

I’ve been emotionally exhausted for quite a while. After being seemingly ghosted by my most recent partner, I just don’t feel anything. Sure for a while I did feel sad and such, but, now I just feel tired. I suppose going from one relationship to the next has grown old. I’d rather cherish strong meaningful friendships at the moment. I really have no incentive to jump head-first into yet another relationship. Read more

Cesc has my heart, but I feel we’re too different. The first major difference between us I can think of is that Cesc wants kids and I really don’t, I guess another thing that has perturbed me before about Cesc is that they’ve told me I’m not feminine in appearance enough, which while sadly true, still felt hurtful. I can’t blame someone for having preferences though. I guess I’m just love-sick. Read more

Identity, and Names A beautiful quote form a Disqus Blog post. In fact I find the quote quite aptly describes me. For example, I detest my birth name. While people I know in real life use it, when online friends refer to me by my online pseudonym, for some reason I find it less jarring. If I had to guess, the reason for this is because the majority of friends I’ve made throughout my life, have been online, so my sense of identity online strengthened while I dissociated from my real identity more and more. Read more

Preface This is going to be another post that just rambles. A bit of context I prefer, most of the time, to not have my personal space violated, I’d assume this is the norm among the majority of people. For me it stems from trust issues that I’ve had for quite a while now. I won’t scream or pitch a fight if my personal space is violated, rather I try to tell the person who violated it not to make the same mistake again. Read more